Been on this emotional roller coaster this past week...
I had a great blog idea I was going to write throughout the day but it's something I should talk about with someone.
Long week ahead of me
-Jun
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Time flies when you are having fun
Just not too long ago, a friend of mine, who I looked up to my freshmen year of college at Barstow, texted me...
I remember coming back from Food4Less after doing some grocery shopping and I see three of my teammates (two which were my roommates) sitting at the dining table drinking some beers. All i felt at the time was "We have beer in our apartment! Coach told us no drinking on the team, I'm not 21, I'm gonna get in big trouble!"
I put my grocery away and sat with them around the table only because they were using my couch that was in my room. So as I sat and watched them drink, Shawn, a guy about four or five years older than me on the team put a beer in front of me.
I refused to drink it and told him why I didn't want to drink at all, maybe until I turn 21. My reasoning was I didm't want to turn out to be like my father. I just hated it when he came home drunk from a night of drinking. He respected my answered and my roommates Dray and Rudy said something about it too but I hardly remember what they said. Shawn just told me that if I wanted to try it, just ask and if you don't like it, don't drink it.
As I still sat there and listened to them talk, I decided to open my first can of beer. It was America's finest beer, Bud Light. Needless to say, they were in shock that after I talked about why I didn't want to drink, I decided to have a beer.
I dont know why I did open that beer that night but some part me said, "You're living on your own. You're in college. No ones really judging you. Just have some fun. Make stupid decision. Laugh at them. Live and learn."
At the end of the semester, literally the day before my last paper was due, I was playing beer pong with my teammates before we went off to our hometown for the summer. For some of us, we were not coming back to Barstow, some us went back the next school year. But that night, I remember walking back home after winning game after game of beer pong and slept for three hours before I was throwing up in the bathroom for three hours. Then slept for another three hours, woke up for class and drove to class hungover. That was the first time I was hungover and didn't know how to handle it.
All I recall is getting out of my car in the 107 degree dry, desert weather and sitting outside my classroom waiting for the professor to show up. It was 10 minutes past the time when class was suppose to start and I had to go throw up in the bathroom.
Finally the professor came, opened the door and my initial thought was hand him the paper and leave, but ended up giving a five minute lecture. And the five minute lecture was the longest lecture of my life!
After that was over, I gathered myself and drove back to my apartment and grabbed a ice pack and went to sleep.
I didn't mention that my plan that day was to have everything packed in my car and the apartment cleaned, ready to go home after class.
I got home around 10 a.m. and slept in until 4 p.m.
Still with a slight hang over, I looked around my apartment and it was an absolute mess. My room just needed to be cleaned up a little bit but the kitchen still had food and trash, which was getting molded, the living room had a dresser and a mattress that a teammate used to sleep in and in my roommates room, lets just say not even Mr. Clean could have done the job. Just a mess everywhere.
Luckily, a loyal teammate was leaving the next day and helped me clean up the mess my roommates left in the apartment. it took about two and a half hours to clean everything up. But the carpet was all torn up from our dog, Oso, that we picked up for free at the local Walmart at the beginning of the semester.
I remember coming back to my home in Torrance around 7 p.m. (its a two hour drive from Barstow to Los Angeles) and telling my mom that I fell asleep and had to clean up a little bit around the apartment.
I transferred back to El Camino and made the team for the second time. Ended up redshirting that year but that year, staying with the team when I could have easily just walked away, was the best decision I have ever made.
I told this story many times; I had the best year of my life at my red shirt year at El Camino. We went to the state championships, won conference, swept regionals and super regionals, and made friends that I call family now. Without this experience I don't know what life would be like for me today. Words cant even explain the experience I had.
Then coming to Mount Mercy has opened up my horizons in life. People are so generous out here and made many memories during my short time here.
In my first year at the mount, we would always go out every week, though I did stay in for the most part during the first half of the fall semester. But would always find ways to go out and do something, where if it was go to a bar in Iowa City, get written up in C1 or C2 in Andreas for drinking and being too loud, going to Paddy's after our Thursday games to go drink and sing karaoke, or catching last minute drinks on a Sunday night after coming back from a long road trip.
This year, my senior year, has been a bittersweet feeling. Lately I think about all the memories, the good and the bad, I had made over the years and seem to overwhelm me. Seeing friends come and go, going to graduate and living in reality and with baseball not being the same after this year, sometimes I want to time to slow down so I can just enjoy the time with everyone.
When things come to an end, all they become are memories and those memories become stories. Then you start your new chapter in your life...
The point of my blog today is for you college students that are so one minded and focused on school, go out and experience new things. Don't be that person that stays in your house or dorm room all day studying and watching movies afterwards. Grades are important to pass your classes and keep your GPA to go to grad school and all, but there are people that go out and get the same results.
So what if you hate drinking, you don't necessarily have to drink when you go out. So what if people judge you, you are going to get judge any place you go. So what if you are not so popular, go make new friends anyways.
...
When I look at my dog Oso, it reminds me of my first experience of college and its something I brought him home with me and it reminds me of my college experiences because he has been with me since my freshmen year of college.
So go out, experience new things and have fun. How do you want to remember your college experience and when people ask you how your college life was, how do you want to tell your story? you only have four years to do it...
-Jun
"You have four years to be irresponsible here. Relax. Work is for people with jobs. You'll never remember class time, but you'll remember time you wasted hanging out with your friends. So, stay out late. Go out on a Tuesday with your friends when you have a paper due Wednesday. Spend money you don't have. Drink 'til sunrise. The work never ends, but college does..." -Tom Petty
I remember coming back from Food4Less after doing some grocery shopping and I see three of my teammates (two which were my roommates) sitting at the dining table drinking some beers. All i felt at the time was "We have beer in our apartment! Coach told us no drinking on the team, I'm not 21, I'm gonna get in big trouble!"
I put my grocery away and sat with them around the table only because they were using my couch that was in my room. So as I sat and watched them drink, Shawn, a guy about four or five years older than me on the team put a beer in front of me.
I refused to drink it and told him why I didn't want to drink at all, maybe until I turn 21. My reasoning was I didm't want to turn out to be like my father. I just hated it when he came home drunk from a night of drinking. He respected my answered and my roommates Dray and Rudy said something about it too but I hardly remember what they said. Shawn just told me that if I wanted to try it, just ask and if you don't like it, don't drink it.
As I still sat there and listened to them talk, I decided to open my first can of beer. It was America's finest beer, Bud Light. Needless to say, they were in shock that after I talked about why I didn't want to drink, I decided to have a beer.
I dont know why I did open that beer that night but some part me said, "You're living on your own. You're in college. No ones really judging you. Just have some fun. Make stupid decision. Laugh at them. Live and learn."
At the end of the semester, literally the day before my last paper was due, I was playing beer pong with my teammates before we went off to our hometown for the summer. For some of us, we were not coming back to Barstow, some us went back the next school year. But that night, I remember walking back home after winning game after game of beer pong and slept for three hours before I was throwing up in the bathroom for three hours. Then slept for another three hours, woke up for class and drove to class hungover. That was the first time I was hungover and didn't know how to handle it.
All I recall is getting out of my car in the 107 degree dry, desert weather and sitting outside my classroom waiting for the professor to show up. It was 10 minutes past the time when class was suppose to start and I had to go throw up in the bathroom.
Finally the professor came, opened the door and my initial thought was hand him the paper and leave, but ended up giving a five minute lecture. And the five minute lecture was the longest lecture of my life!
After that was over, I gathered myself and drove back to my apartment and grabbed a ice pack and went to sleep.
I didn't mention that my plan that day was to have everything packed in my car and the apartment cleaned, ready to go home after class.
I got home around 10 a.m. and slept in until 4 p.m.
Still with a slight hang over, I looked around my apartment and it was an absolute mess. My room just needed to be cleaned up a little bit but the kitchen still had food and trash, which was getting molded, the living room had a dresser and a mattress that a teammate used to sleep in and in my roommates room, lets just say not even Mr. Clean could have done the job. Just a mess everywhere.
Luckily, a loyal teammate was leaving the next day and helped me clean up the mess my roommates left in the apartment. it took about two and a half hours to clean everything up. But the carpet was all torn up from our dog, Oso, that we picked up for free at the local Walmart at the beginning of the semester.
I remember coming back to my home in Torrance around 7 p.m. (its a two hour drive from Barstow to Los Angeles) and telling my mom that I fell asleep and had to clean up a little bit around the apartment.
I transferred back to El Camino and made the team for the second time. Ended up redshirting that year but that year, staying with the team when I could have easily just walked away, was the best decision I have ever made.
I told this story many times; I had the best year of my life at my red shirt year at El Camino. We went to the state championships, won conference, swept regionals and super regionals, and made friends that I call family now. Without this experience I don't know what life would be like for me today. Words cant even explain the experience I had.
Then coming to Mount Mercy has opened up my horizons in life. People are so generous out here and made many memories during my short time here.
In my first year at the mount, we would always go out every week, though I did stay in for the most part during the first half of the fall semester. But would always find ways to go out and do something, where if it was go to a bar in Iowa City, get written up in C1 or C2 in Andreas for drinking and being too loud, going to Paddy's after our Thursday games to go drink and sing karaoke, or catching last minute drinks on a Sunday night after coming back from a long road trip.
This year, my senior year, has been a bittersweet feeling. Lately I think about all the memories, the good and the bad, I had made over the years and seem to overwhelm me. Seeing friends come and go, going to graduate and living in reality and with baseball not being the same after this year, sometimes I want to time to slow down so I can just enjoy the time with everyone.
When things come to an end, all they become are memories and those memories become stories. Then you start your new chapter in your life...
The point of my blog today is for you college students that are so one minded and focused on school, go out and experience new things. Don't be that person that stays in your house or dorm room all day studying and watching movies afterwards. Grades are important to pass your classes and keep your GPA to go to grad school and all, but there are people that go out and get the same results.
So what if you hate drinking, you don't necessarily have to drink when you go out. So what if people judge you, you are going to get judge any place you go. So what if you are not so popular, go make new friends anyways.
...
When I look at my dog Oso, it reminds me of my first experience of college and its something I brought him home with me and it reminds me of my college experiences because he has been with me since my freshmen year of college.
So go out, experience new things and have fun. How do you want to remember your college experience and when people ask you how your college life was, how do you want to tell your story? you only have four years to do it...
-Jun
"You have four years to be irresponsible here. Relax. Work is for people with jobs. You'll never remember class time, but you'll remember time you wasted hanging out with your friends. So, stay out late. Go out on a Tuesday with your friends when you have a paper due Wednesday. Spend money you don't have. Drink 'til sunrise. The work never ends, but college does..." -Tom Petty
Friday, April 19, 2013
Senior day weekend
I must say, it was pretty awesome...
There was nothing better than playing in front of my family, specifically my mother because she hasn't seen me play in about four and a half years. And there no better feeling than seeing your mom smile watching me playing the game I love...
Ill see you soon mom!
-Jun
Friday, April 12, 2013
Spending time with the ones who care
Being away from home, its rough to not have parents when times are hard. Parents say they are only a phone call away, but it is not the same. There isn't that feeling of comfort when you need it.
But I been quite fortunate with the people I call family while living in Iowa because they have been the world to me. It seems as if we can't do anything without each other. If one person wants to go eat at the cafeteria at a certain time and others wants to another, we just yell and converse and come up with a conclusion some how.
I been a part of something special. Being part of a Final Four team in junior college baseball was pretty amazing. I wouldn't give up the memories or the people on the team for the world. Everyone of them are like a brother to me, even though I have seem to distant away for them since moving out to Cedar Rapids.
But being out here at Mount Mercy and living on my own with people I have never met, I never thought I would build a close relationship with anyone. But when people have your back and pick you up when you are down, you start to look at things differently. And that's how my dysfunctional family at Mount Mercy is. We always say that they are like family, or second family. And this is, literally my second family.
Speaking of family, my mother and sister's came out to Cedar Rapids to watch me play on Senior day, which is in couple of hours from now.
I think the last time my mother saw me play was in high school.
She did come to one of my games when I was playing for El Camino College, but I was a red shirt then.
I got to spend time with my mother and sisters these past couple of days. I never seen my mother so relaxed and enjoying time away from life.
For those of you who do not know my mother, she was a house wife before she divorced my father. Then she had to get a job to support my two sisters and I on her own. Ever since then, she has been on the grind; just non-stop work. I remember in high school, I never saw her throughout the week because she would be working early mornings shift that would last until late nights. The only time I saw her was on Saturdays, if I didn't have any baseball games or band competitions.
But just seeing my mother laughing away and having a good time, it put me in a better mood.
I am glad my mother made it out for Senior day this weekend. I don't get to see her everyday now and for her to see me play baseball just one more time before my college career ends, it's a dream come true.
Dont take those people who care for you for granted because you never know what you had until it's gone. Take time to appreciate and thank them for all the things they have done for you.
-Jun
Special shout out to my mother, Yumiko and two sisters, Haruka and Azusa!
But I been quite fortunate with the people I call family while living in Iowa because they have been the world to me. It seems as if we can't do anything without each other. If one person wants to go eat at the cafeteria at a certain time and others wants to another, we just yell and converse and come up with a conclusion some how.
I been a part of something special. Being part of a Final Four team in junior college baseball was pretty amazing. I wouldn't give up the memories or the people on the team for the world. Everyone of them are like a brother to me, even though I have seem to distant away for them since moving out to Cedar Rapids.
But being out here at Mount Mercy and living on my own with people I have never met, I never thought I would build a close relationship with anyone. But when people have your back and pick you up when you are down, you start to look at things differently. And that's how my dysfunctional family at Mount Mercy is. We always say that they are like family, or second family. And this is, literally my second family.
Speaking of family, my mother and sister's came out to Cedar Rapids to watch me play on Senior day, which is in couple of hours from now.
I think the last time my mother saw me play was in high school.
She did come to one of my games when I was playing for El Camino College, but I was a red shirt then.
I got to spend time with my mother and sisters these past couple of days. I never seen my mother so relaxed and enjoying time away from life.
For those of you who do not know my mother, she was a house wife before she divorced my father. Then she had to get a job to support my two sisters and I on her own. Ever since then, she has been on the grind; just non-stop work. I remember in high school, I never saw her throughout the week because she would be working early mornings shift that would last until late nights. The only time I saw her was on Saturdays, if I didn't have any baseball games or band competitions.
But just seeing my mother laughing away and having a good time, it put me in a better mood.
I am glad my mother made it out for Senior day this weekend. I don't get to see her everyday now and for her to see me play baseball just one more time before my college career ends, it's a dream come true.
Dont take those people who care for you for granted because you never know what you had until it's gone. Take time to appreciate and thank them for all the things they have done for you.
-Jun
Special shout out to my mother, Yumiko and two sisters, Haruka and Azusa!
Monday, April 8, 2013
#ChantingForChange...a little confession
It's been a struggle this season.
We were 4 - and who knows how many loses we have and - 1 on the season before this past weekend. I haven't playing bad, but I haven't been playing well.
This past Friday, I didn't end up going out with my teammates but instead stayed in. I have just been overwhelmed with school and exhausted with the lack of sleep I am getting (speaking of, I should be sleeping right now). So I clean my room a bit and did some laundry that night. And for some reason, I felt the need to chant.
For those of who may not know, I am a Buddhist. And to be quite honest, I am not fully committed to this religion. I never really believed in any religion before. Part of the reason I am a Buddhist is because my mother started to practice it and I was just brought into it. I would be forced to go to monthly meetings with my mom so I can get to know the religion more.
I also felt guilty because one my of best friends in California is a Buddhist, along with his parents and I thought I would be letting them down by saying I don't want to be a buddhist.
I have been a Buddhist since 2009 and heard many stories of struggles in life and met so many people that wants to push me to be a strong believer in the Buddhist movement of Soka Gakkai International, also known as SGI. People that join the SGI receives a thing called a "Gohonzon" and is to chant the phrase "Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo", which mean the world of Buddhahood, for as long as you want. My mom chants for hours and hours on a daily bases. The reason behind it, I think, is to get rid of all the bad karma and start seeing change in something.
But back to those people I was talking about, they come up to me and take their valuable time to meet with me and talk about Buddhism and get me going in the right direction. And me being ignorant about it, I just listened from one ear and it went though the other.
I would talk to my mom about all these bad or stressful things I would be going through at the time, like losing way too many games this season, and every time she would tell me, "Go chant." But I would always put it off because I thought it was a waste of time.
Going back to my night on Friday, like I said, I felt the need to chant. I just felt I needed to do something for a change, to turn this frustrating season my teammates and I are having and just for myself in general, so I opened up my Gohonzon for the first time this school semester and chanted for a short amount of time right before I went to bed. When woke up Saturday morning, the first things I did was chant.
So I get to the field to because we had a game that day (Saturday) and we lost two games. I played the first game, went 1 for 2 with a walk and made two errors on the field. Our coach made changes in the line up the second game and I wasn't in it. I knew I messed up and couldn't do anything about it. I just had to keep my head up and hope I'll be back in the line up next day.
I got back home mad, disappointed, frustrated, all the bad emotions that go through after you lose and get taken out of the line up. But I got home and before I went to bed, I chanted again.
I had to wake up early on Sunday morning to cover a story on a fundraiser, and long story short, the event didn't start until two hours after the time it said on the schedule. Anyways, one of the things I did before the double header on Sunday, again, was chant.
I went to the field hoping for a change...
I wasn't in the line up...
I was pretty upset. I was going to the game to redeem myself and I couldn't prove that on the field that day. But there was something else that happened that day.
After a 15-game losing streak, we finally won a game. A huge relief for the team. After that win, I was hoping I can get in the second game.
I went to look up the lineup for the second game when it was posted, and again, my name wasn't on there. But after the second game, we ended up winning two games and I was happy we finally tallied up some wins.
But I also felt I'm riding the emotional roller coaster as well. The feeling that you're happy for one reason but upset for another.
At the end of the day, before I went to sleep, I chanted again, hoping for a better tomorrow and changes to come.
The power of Buddhism, in fact any religion, comes at a unexpected time. My advice is once you start practicing a religion, whether if you like it or not, give it a chance. I gave it a shot, probably not the best example, and a change was made for the better good even though it may not have been something at the top of my list.
Everything happens for a reason. I just have to keep my head up, work hard and chant away for a better change!
-Jun
We were 4 - and who knows how many loses we have and - 1 on the season before this past weekend. I haven't playing bad, but I haven't been playing well.
This past Friday, I didn't end up going out with my teammates but instead stayed in. I have just been overwhelmed with school and exhausted with the lack of sleep I am getting (speaking of, I should be sleeping right now). So I clean my room a bit and did some laundry that night. And for some reason, I felt the need to chant.
For those of who may not know, I am a Buddhist. And to be quite honest, I am not fully committed to this religion. I never really believed in any religion before. Part of the reason I am a Buddhist is because my mother started to practice it and I was just brought into it. I would be forced to go to monthly meetings with my mom so I can get to know the religion more.
I also felt guilty because one my of best friends in California is a Buddhist, along with his parents and I thought I would be letting them down by saying I don't want to be a buddhist.
I have been a Buddhist since 2009 and heard many stories of struggles in life and met so many people that wants to push me to be a strong believer in the Buddhist movement of Soka Gakkai International, also known as SGI. People that join the SGI receives a thing called a "Gohonzon" and is to chant the phrase "Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo", which mean the world of Buddhahood, for as long as you want. My mom chants for hours and hours on a daily bases. The reason behind it, I think, is to get rid of all the bad karma and start seeing change in something.
But back to those people I was talking about, they come up to me and take their valuable time to meet with me and talk about Buddhism and get me going in the right direction. And me being ignorant about it, I just listened from one ear and it went though the other.
I would talk to my mom about all these bad or stressful things I would be going through at the time, like losing way too many games this season, and every time she would tell me, "Go chant." But I would always put it off because I thought it was a waste of time.
Going back to my night on Friday, like I said, I felt the need to chant. I just felt I needed to do something for a change, to turn this frustrating season my teammates and I are having and just for myself in general, so I opened up my Gohonzon for the first time this school semester and chanted for a short amount of time right before I went to bed. When woke up Saturday morning, the first things I did was chant.
So I get to the field to because we had a game that day (Saturday) and we lost two games. I played the first game, went 1 for 2 with a walk and made two errors on the field. Our coach made changes in the line up the second game and I wasn't in it. I knew I messed up and couldn't do anything about it. I just had to keep my head up and hope I'll be back in the line up next day.
I got back home mad, disappointed, frustrated, all the bad emotions that go through after you lose and get taken out of the line up. But I got home and before I went to bed, I chanted again.
I had to wake up early on Sunday morning to cover a story on a fundraiser, and long story short, the event didn't start until two hours after the time it said on the schedule. Anyways, one of the things I did before the double header on Sunday, again, was chant.
I went to the field hoping for a change...
I wasn't in the line up...
I was pretty upset. I was going to the game to redeem myself and I couldn't prove that on the field that day. But there was something else that happened that day.
After a 15-game losing streak, we finally won a game. A huge relief for the team. After that win, I was hoping I can get in the second game.
I went to look up the lineup for the second game when it was posted, and again, my name wasn't on there. But after the second game, we ended up winning two games and I was happy we finally tallied up some wins.
But I also felt I'm riding the emotional roller coaster as well. The feeling that you're happy for one reason but upset for another.
At the end of the day, before I went to sleep, I chanted again, hoping for a better tomorrow and changes to come.
The power of Buddhism, in fact any religion, comes at a unexpected time. My advice is once you start practicing a religion, whether if you like it or not, give it a chance. I gave it a shot, probably not the best example, and a change was made for the better good even though it may not have been something at the top of my list.
Everything happens for a reason. I just have to keep my head up, work hard and chant away for a better change!
-Jun
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
What's perfect to you?
Before I started to write this blog, I didn't know what to write about. Everything I write about always seems to have a trending topic so I thought I ask people for suggestions.
So I did and still couldn't find anything to write about. But as a friend was talking about her daily problems when she wakes up in the morning, a light bulb clicked.
She was telling me that when she sleeps with her socks on but ends up elsewhere when she gets out of bed, and when she wakes up to eat breakfast, she doesn't know how much cereal to put in her bowl. There was a few more things she listed but at the same time, I was thinking about some ideas to write about.
...
We all run into those problems or difficult situations , whether if it's wondering how much cereal to put in a bowl or fighting with a family member. We never want to encounter that bump in the road but in time, it seems to appear out of the most unexpected times.
But if we, as human beings, lived in a perfect world, there would be nothing to look forward to in life. No excitment. Nothing. When I hear someone say, "I want to live in a world where everything is perfect", I think to myself, "Really?" I can picture them thinking living a happy, married life in a nice home in a nice neighborhood, going to work at their dream job, everything is just oh-so perfect. Everyone smiling and have everything they want.
Don't get me wrong, I never want to have problems of any kind, but living in an oh-so perfect world is just boring to me.
When I think of a perfect world, I think of imperfection; dealing with adveristy and everyday problems. If it weren't for those 'how much cereal I should eat', 'who's a better athlete', 'I have to find a job', or simply dealing with death, we wouldn't be the people who we are today; the different emotions, different feelings, different perspective, etc.
If you have a bad day, don't dwell on it. Even though that day may not have been perfect, tomorrow is perfectly a new day to start over.
-Jun
So I did and still couldn't find anything to write about. But as a friend was talking about her daily problems when she wakes up in the morning, a light bulb clicked.
She was telling me that when she sleeps with her socks on but ends up elsewhere when she gets out of bed, and when she wakes up to eat breakfast, she doesn't know how much cereal to put in her bowl. There was a few more things she listed but at the same time, I was thinking about some ideas to write about.
...
We all run into those problems or difficult situations , whether if it's wondering how much cereal to put in a bowl or fighting with a family member. We never want to encounter that bump in the road but in time, it seems to appear out of the most unexpected times.
But if we, as human beings, lived in a perfect world, there would be nothing to look forward to in life. No excitment. Nothing. When I hear someone say, "I want to live in a world where everything is perfect", I think to myself, "Really?" I can picture them thinking living a happy, married life in a nice home in a nice neighborhood, going to work at their dream job, everything is just oh-so perfect. Everyone smiling and have everything they want.
Don't get me wrong, I never want to have problems of any kind, but living in an oh-so perfect world is just boring to me.
When I think of a perfect world, I think of imperfection; dealing with adveristy and everyday problems. If it weren't for those 'how much cereal I should eat', 'who's a better athlete', 'I have to find a job', or simply dealing with death, we wouldn't be the people who we are today; the different emotions, different feelings, different perspective, etc.
If you have a bad day, don't dwell on it. Even though that day may not have been perfect, tomorrow is perfectly a new day to start over.
-Jun
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