Frustration

We all get frustrated at times, whether it is from losing in a video game or if a player on your fantasy football team didn't perform good enough.

Recently, I been frustrated with the game of baseball.

The Sunday before school started back up, my buddy called me and asked me if I wanted to play in a baseball game (not to mention it was a championship game of a tournament). I haven't done anything baseball related for a month but I agreed to play.

I ended up going 2 for 3 with a RBI single and a walk-off homerun. That was probably the best game I have ever played. Having that game before school started back up, I gained a lot of confidence that it is going to be a good year.

When practiced started back up, I was really excited to get things going.

Then everything started to going down hill. Once I started to not so something right at practice, at first I let the thought of "don't mess up again" not get to me. But a couple of days ago, I just started to over think everything and I just felt really frustrated with myself.

As my frustration gets to me more and more each day at practice, at times I want to just quit all together. But I remember talking to my high school coach one day and he told me "Don't do it Junie...you'll regret it...notable a year from now, maybe not 5 years, but at some point you will."

When he told me that, I told myself that I didn't work hard and come this far to just quit.

So even though Ill probably get frustrated during practice, I'm going to take it one day at a time and not worry about the future. Like someone tod me before, "Tomorrow is a new day."

-Jun

Bitter or sweet?

So as I start my fifth year of college, I don't really know how to feel about it being my last year in college (knock on wood)...

After ending my fourth year of college at Mount Mercy University, I couldn't have asked for a better time in my first time living out of state, and of all places...Iowa.

I'm not going to lie, at first, I thought I was going to hate going to school and living out here in Cedar Rapids. I mean, come on, its Iowa. It's about 2,000 miles away from Torrance. I can't just go home to visit my mom, my sisters, my dog or eat my mom's delicious home-cooked meals.

I remember that when I arrived here in Cedar Rapids, I met a couple of soon-to-be teammates at the time that were born and raised from Iowa, but I also met a bunch of people from California that were out here for baseball as well. At times, I felt home sick, but hanging out with them made it feel like I was at home away from home.

Things that happen in the school year of 2011-2012, I would never forget or change it for the world; I made some of people that I now call family, had a good baseball season though it didn't end how we liked it to and the memories every single day living in a dorm room that was literally like a 6 by 6 prison cell.

But now, going into week 4 of my "senior" year, I just want to graduate and get the hell of out college, but at the same time I want to be in college for a little bit longer. Talking to my teammates and also my friends from high school, I ask them about how life is like after graduating. Most of their responses are:

"The real world sucks. I come home and I shower, do laundry and do the dishes at night and I think to myself 'I have to do this all over again tomorrow' Its not like I can skip class or anything because I can get fired."
"I dont like it."
"It blows! I want to go back to college for one more year!"

But they also tell me that they don't miss the fact that they don't have to do homework every night or reading 100 per night.

I started to get mixed emotions about turning in my intent to graduate. But why should I worry about the future when it's not even here yet. I was always told to "Live in the moment."

So until the time comes, I'll try to make it a great college experience, even if I'm at a university as small as Mount Mercy. But I know that bittersweet feeling of graduating this year will still be in the back of my mind.

-Jun

"Cheers with a smile, love is whatchu get, 'cause if you're living for the now, there's nothin' to regret" -Mike Stud

For my grandmother.

"Family is not an important thing, its everything..."

My grandma is around 85 years-old, but to be honest, I don't even know my grandma well. I wish I got to hang by her side more along with my other grandparents, but what can I do when they live all the way in Fukuoka, Japan.

The last time I visited Japan and saw my grandma was back in 2003, when I was in the 7th grade and I couldn't tell you when the time before that was. It wasn't vacation unfortunately; my grandfather had passed away a week or two prior on our arrival. It was sad to see my mother, my aunt, my uncles and my cousins break down into tears when we had a gathering at my grandmother's house.

I didn't know my grandpa well either. All I knew was he was sick all the time when I visited him (from what I remember) and he is a war veteran.

Now, that my grandpa has passed away, my grandma as pretty much alone. One of my uncles has been living with her his entire life but knowing that their significant other isn't there by their side anymore, it's more than depressing.

My mother will always call her to check up on how she's doing and whenever I pass by my mother talking on the phone with her, my mom always forced me to speak with her, even if it's just a simple "Hey, how's everything going?"

My grandma and my cousin, Izumi

Probably about 2 years ago, my mother's sister called and told my mother that my grandma started to lose her memory. She said that my grandma didn't recognize my aunt when she went for a visit to my grandma's house and starts to space out while having conversations. My mother, sister's and I were worried that her time might be coming soon.

As my mother gave phone calls every night to Japan, she told me one day that she is moving to a nursing home because it was too much for my uncles and aunt to handle because it consisted of them having to stay up all night and going to work in the morning. They all thought it was the best for her.

I write this blog about my grandma because I was listening to music about chasing your dreams today and I remember my mother telling me during high school that my grandma said she hopes that I can make it big one day so she can watch me on TV. So, like any other kid would, I started to chase my dreams so I can show my grandma that I did it. Then I'll have flash backs of when my grandma would always treat me to lunch or buy me things that my mother wouldn't. I was pretty spoiled when I was around her but would scold me when I did actually do something bad.

I look up to my grandma because she is quite possibly the strongest person to live. Not physically,  but mentally and emotionally. And when I think of what have to go through at times, I think about what my grandma has and is going through.

I wish I talked to my grandma about her past. It's been about 10 years since I seen her and I feel stupid that I didn't talk to my grandma a lot because as I grew older, I realized that family is everything and the times you spend with family is the thing we value most.

Now, I sit here in Torrance, California with no job and another year of school left, thinking of how and when I would get to visit my grandma when time is only running out. What I would give up to just to see my grandma, even if she doesn't remember  what I look like, who's son I am or what my name is. I would give her the biggest hug.

Until I have time and money to visit her, I have at least one more year of college baseball left. I'm not great as everyone thinks I am but I'm going to give it all I got like I have always been. Leave it all on the field.

I love you to death grandma. Ill see you soon

Croatia

Since I have been home in Torrance, California for the summer with no job and a tight budget, I sit and sleep on my couch day in and day out. Somedays, I think about what I want to do after I graduate. Do I want to get a big boy job right from the get-go? Do I want to pursue something in the baseball field still? Do I want to join the military forces? etc.

Well today, I was taking a glance at Facebook and one of my closest friend posted a "status" listing all these places he is going to visit in the summer (I think that's what he's doing). And whenever I thinking about traveling, the first image that pops in my mind is Croatia.

For those of you who don't know, we had a Croatian, Dino Gutesa, attending Mount Mercy University playing basketball. Before I knew him, I asked him where he was from and he said that Croatia is one of the most beautiful places on this planet.

So, I went back to my dorm that night, and being the stereotypical human being I am, I googled it.

Croatia, is located east of Slovenia in Europe and the Adriatic Sea separates it from Italy.

Then I clicked "images" on google and I was drawn to this picture out of all the result that showed up..

Not most people have heard of Croatia before. I haven't until I started to attend a school in Iowa.

But Croatia isn't the only place I want to visit. There are many more places.

But am I going to have money have a graduate? Probably not, but Ill figure out a way

-Jun

A Tribute to Rudy Yos...My Personal Ritual

I dont know what brought the topic of this blog. I just felt like writing something I guess.

We see a lot of athletes get into slumps or get on a streak, they start to get into rituals or have superstitious about everything they do.

According to Men's Fitness, "While his hitting power has cooled in recent years, Colorado Rockie Jason Giambi was a pitcher's worst nightmare in his prime. But even in his heyday the Giambino was prone to slumps. His solution for turning things around? A golden thong. That's right. Whenever the 6-foot-3 first baseman found himself in a funk, he'd slip his 240-pound frame into a tiny pair of butt floss before playing. More often than not, Giambi's weird superstition actually worked. In fact, his bikini bottoms became so well thought of, the five-time All-Star's teammate's would often borrow them to break out of their own slumps."

Also according to Men's Fitness, "Jason Kidd used to blow a kiss to his super hot wife, Joumana, before every free-throw. Cute, right? Well, after an extremely messy divorce, Joumana is now Kidd’s ex-wife. So he has adjusted his ritual accordingly. He still blows a kiss to Joumana, of course, but not before wiping his fingers on his ass. Now that’s contempt."

During the 2010 El Camino season, I remember two of my teammates, John Hein and Bobby Martin started taking Redline energy drinks before games (Don't judge us Logan Gelbrich) and next thing you know everyone started to buy into it, even some of the coaches. I brought another ritual/superstition to the team, where I started to bring soda flavored candy to almost every game. Teammates would get mad when I wouldn't bring them but hey, I provided it and money doesn't grow on trees. I don't know how much money I spent on those candy and how much we spend together as a team on Redline, but it lead us to the state championship.

I remember one of my coaches from El Camino Community College telling me that when he played professional baseball, he went on some 20+ game hitting streak and I forgot what it was but because of superstition, he said he ate the same food everyday until his streak ended. 

My good friend, a friend I call a brother, Andrew Pulido also has a ritual. Before he throws the first pitch of every inning, he kneels down on one knee and writes something on the back of the mound. He never told me or anyone what it is; only a select few know....

In August 2008, I met a guy from San Pedro (California) named Rudy Yos during the time I was trying out for El Camino. Before I met him, I saw this guy as a hard-ass, cocky guy, which he was. But once I started to get to know him, he was one of the coolest guys I met. I told this story many times, but for those of you who don't know, I got cut from the team my first year, along with 3 or 4 other guys, and one of them was Rudy. After I decided to go to a one-horse town Barstow to play baseball, Rudy called me and told me he was going to Barstow too.

Then in January 2009, I lived in an apartment with 3 teammates in Barstow, one which included Rudy. Rudy only ended up stay for 3 weeks at the school and went back to San Pedro. I didn't find the reason behind it but it probably had to do something with family; he just left one day and never saw him again. But during the 3 weeks we were roommates, we had talks about life and baseball. It was with this guy that I started to drink beer in the first place. I will never forget that moment in time because I will some what affect me about 2 years later...

Rudy Yos passed away on November 20, 2010 because of an overdose usage of drugs. I didn't want to believe it a first. It was about three or four months before that I talked to him on the phone while I was at Disneyland of all places. I had to cut the the conversation short and to this day, I wish I could have talk to him on the phone longer and caught up with him, and I regret that I forgot to call him back in that three to four months...

From the talks we had, he had a big heart, especially for baseball. Being teammates and roommates for 3 weeks showed me that Rudy would do anything to be on the baseball field.

Ever since Rudy had passed away, I promised myself I would do a ritual. Every time the National Anthem plays before every baseball game I play, I bow my head down, close my eyes and talk to Rudy and tell him I wish he could be on the baseball field with me, to look over me and the team and to keep us safe. After the song is over, I always look up to the sky hoping that he is watching over us.

Rudy is one of the reasons why it drives me to play baseball because like I said, he would do anything to be on a baseball field. So if you see me at a practice or a game, you'll know one thing about me that you didn't know.

To end this, I'll leave all my readers a quote: "Life is too short not to make the best and the most of everything that comes your way everyday."

Rest In Paradise Rudy Yos
April 21, 1989 - November 20, 2010

-Jun

Warriors '10

I wrote this piece on Facebook on Feburary 25, 2010 at 9:51 p.m. during the 2009-10 baseball season while I was at El Camino Community College. The one year I will never forget.

"I probably wrote this on facebook cause Ill probably want to read this later on this year and if i saved it on a computer and it crashed, i probably wouldnt have it for later, unless facebook discontinues.

Well its about half way into the season. not quite but its 5 days until conference play. We didnt end on a good note into it but were 9-3. so far, I think its a good start. Going into this season, i thought I wouldnt make the team, honestly. But hard work kept me in the game.

During the fall, i couldnt imagine how many good players were coming in and returning. I swear I thought I had no chance. But I worked hard and kept my head up. Went to go hit in the cages with Coop everyday. Tried (cause I gained weight) to run hard on everything. You know tried to do the little things. On individual meeting days, Coach told me I could quit, or be on the team but wont probably get any playing time. But right when i heard that choice, i quickly decided to stay with the team. I didnt know whether it was a good choice or not at the time but baseballs been there all my life until today and hopefully later, so I stuck with it. I remember Pops telling me that he is glad i made the choice i made to be part of something special. Then my first at-bat as a Warrior against my old team, Barstow, I hit the ball to deep left field and got a triple. Then i knew that i was part of something special.

This is probably one of the teams that came together the most out of all the teams I been with. We have our love and hates on this team but overall were all within each other. We are literally like one big family. Im not saying at Barstow we werent cool, but we didnt come together as one. For me, Im pretty much cool with everyone...except maybe Larsen. hes kinda of a quite guy. But this year means a lot to me. Although Im red shirting, Im learning alot already and trying to keep up to everyones level. In high school, I wasnt the best player around, and probably still am and I havent been on a winning team before. But I have that year to learn a lot of stuff thats happening on and off the field for next year. But if I learn that i might not get a lot of playing time, im thinking of hanging my cleats up but i dont know. After this season, im probably gonna miss this team the most of out all the teams i been with.

I know all you guys will probably make fun of me because you'll read this but to make this a memorable season for everyone on the team, lets take this all the way fellas. pick each other up when were down. go big or go home. Beat everyone in the way. 232 baby. Thats what were about to do."

Special shout out to the El Camino 2010 Dream Team.

-Jun

Just My Karma...

     For almost 17 years, my life has been revolved around baseball day in and day out. I never really played any other sports (besides basketball for about six to seven months). I worked hard every day, for the most part, and never looked back. I been hurt all the time since my Little League days back in 2001 in North Torrance, Ca; elbow problems, shoulder injuries, anything you can think of on the right arm. But thanks to my mother, she was always there to fix the pain and comfort me.

     In high school, I was really never hurt or injured, although during my first practice my freshmen year, I miss a fly ball in the outfield and the ball hit me straight in the head. Then, I was always self-conscious about getting hurt and played scared at time, to be honest, because I never wanted to play injured again.

     Then comes my college years. Long story short, I get cut from my first ever junior college I attended, but the coach helped me out by finding me another school to play at. Until I had a chance to play everyday in college, I had never took lifting serious. I had about three and a half months before being away from home and playing baseball so I became a member at a local gym and started to lift everyday.

     January 2009: The Snowball Effect. It was literally less than a month away from playing my first game with the new school I started to attend, Barstow Community College. I was in good shape. Felt stronger than I ever was and was also up for any challenges that came my way.

     The team wasn't even done with our first week of practice and I sprained my left ankle running the bases. I asked myself, "What did I deserve to get hurt?" I worked hard and gave all I got every single day. I rehabbed for the remaining days until our opening day and my ankle got better within that time and was ready to play the first game.

     I remember it was Feb 12, 2009 and I was playing second base against L.A. City College. During one of the innings I was receiving a double play and as I made the throw, the runner slid to the base late and I landed on my shoulders in a awkward position. At the time I didn't even think about it but when I looked back, this is when a serious shoulder injury would come to haunt me.
    
     Feb 13, 2009. I was a runner on third base. I think I was the only runner on base, I forgot, but I made a base running error by running home when it was hit right to the third baseman and it threw the ball home. I slid to home head first and that's when I really started to feel my shoulder pain come to me.

    The pain progressively gotten worse. It was March 19, 2009, that was when I played my last game as a starter that year. My shoulder got to a point where I couldn't even lift it up. Couldn't even throw a baseball 5 feet. I felt like all the work I put in was a waste.

    That was probably the most frustrated I been in my life. I had a couple more injuries after I transferred back to the first college I attended, El Camino College (Yes, I tried out again, but this time I made the team). I played two years there (red shirted one year) and both year I had elbow problems.

     Now I'm sitting here at Mount Mercy University in Cedar Rapids, Iowa at my desk typing this at 1:16 am about my injuries. Why, you ask? It is because I worked so hard day in and day out to get here and I am sitting down right now with a strained shoulder, where if I try to raise my arm up, it hurts like no other. What did I do to deserve this? Why me? Did it have to be now, going into the 5 week of our season? I took care of my body to prevent injuries and I get injured...

     A fellow teammate once told me that everything happens for a reason.

     I sit here, frustrated asking myself, "What is the reason for this?"....

-Jun