It's been a struggle this season.
We were 4 - and who knows how many loses we have and - 1 on the season before this past weekend. I haven't playing bad, but I haven't been playing well.
This past Friday, I didn't end up going out with my teammates but instead stayed in. I have just been overwhelmed with school and exhausted with the lack of sleep I am getting (speaking of, I should be sleeping right now). So I clean my room a bit and did some laundry that night. And for some reason, I felt the need to chant.
For those of who may not know, I am a Buddhist. And to be quite honest, I am not fully committed to this religion. I never really believed in any religion before. Part of the reason I am a Buddhist is because my mother started to practice it and I was just brought into it. I would be forced to go to monthly meetings with my mom so I can get to know the religion more.
I also felt guilty because one my of best friends in California is a Buddhist, along with his parents and I thought I would be letting them down by saying I don't want to be a buddhist.
I have been a Buddhist since 2009 and heard many stories of struggles in life and met so many people that wants to push me to be a strong believer in the Buddhist movement of Soka Gakkai International, also known as SGI. People that join the SGI receives a thing called a "Gohonzon" and is to chant the phrase "Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo", which mean the world of Buddhahood, for as long as you want. My mom chants for hours and hours on a daily bases. The reason behind it, I think, is to get rid of all the bad karma and start seeing change in something.
But back to those people I was talking about, they come up to me and take their valuable time to meet with me and talk about Buddhism and get me going in the right direction. And me being ignorant about it, I just listened from one ear and it went though the other.
I would talk to my mom about all these bad or stressful things I would be going through at the time, like losing way too many games this season, and every time she would tell me, "Go chant." But I would always put it off because I thought it was a waste of time.
Going back to my night on Friday, like I said, I felt the need to chant. I just felt I needed to do something for a change, to turn this frustrating season my teammates and I are having and just for myself in general, so I opened up my Gohonzon for the first time this school semester and chanted for a short amount of time right before I went to bed. When woke up Saturday morning, the first things I did was chant.
So I get to the field to because we had a game that day (Saturday) and we lost two games. I played the first game, went 1 for 2 with a walk and made two errors on the field. Our coach made changes in the line up the second game and I wasn't in it. I knew I messed up and couldn't do anything about it. I just had to keep my head up and hope I'll be back in the line up next day.
I got back home mad, disappointed, frustrated, all the bad emotions that go through after you lose and get taken out of the line up. But I got home and before I went to bed, I chanted again.
I had to wake up early on Sunday morning to cover a story on a fundraiser, and long story short, the event didn't start until two hours after the time it said on the schedule. Anyways, one of the things I did before the double header on Sunday, again, was chant.
I went to the field hoping for a change...
I wasn't in the line up...
I was pretty upset. I was going to the game to redeem myself and I couldn't prove that on the field that day. But there was something else that happened that day.
After a 15-game losing streak, we finally won a game. A huge relief for the team. After that win, I was hoping I can get in the second game.
I went to look up the lineup for the second game when it was posted, and again, my name wasn't on there. But after the second game, we ended up winning two games and I was happy we finally tallied up some wins.
But I also felt I'm riding the emotional roller coaster as well. The feeling that you're happy for one reason but upset for another.
At the end of the day, before I went to sleep, I chanted again, hoping for a better tomorrow and changes to come.
The power of Buddhism, in fact any religion, comes at a unexpected time. My advice is once you start practicing a religion, whether if you like it or not, give it a chance. I gave it a shot, probably not the best example, and a change was made for the better good even though it may not have been something at the top of my list.
Everything happens for a reason. I just have to keep my head up, work hard and chant away for a better change!
-Jun
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