I don't really write on here as much anymore, but when I do now, I used this as an outlet to let my thoughts out. Most of the times (or I should say 99% of the time), I'm afraid to express my thoughts and feelings to people, so I usually keep it to myself...
Other day, I went to go get dinner with my mom since I really never get to spend time with her besides the 15 minutes I see her in the morning and maybe 30 minutes when I get back home from work.
On the drive back home, out of no where, she brought up my dad.
My parents got separated when I was in middle school and they don't meet eye to eye at all. My dad didn't live the healthiest lifestyle, smoking cigarettes and drinking every night (like about a 2-3 glasses of whiskey), never went to go workout but went to go play golf once or twice a week as his physical activity he does, which I guess is better than not.
The last time my mom talked to my dad was when he had a stroke back in November of 2018. Last time I talked to my dad was in 2020 sometime where he called me out of no where in the middle of the night saying he's looking to move back from Japan, where he moved back to after the strike, and asked me if I would buy a house under my name so he can live in it. I haven't spoken to him after that day...
Mom asked me if my dad had reached out to me. I was thinking to myself I haven't heard from him about 3 years, and I lost all my expectations of him reaching out.
I told my mom I haven't heard from him.
She explained to me that a mutual friend my mom and dad told her that my dad quit drinking, smoking and most surprising of all, golf.
I was in bit of a shock when I heard about this news. My sister's and I would tell him for years that he should stop smoking all together and to also stop drinking every night. He always told us, "One day I will."...
For starters, the reason why he's quitting golf was he was finishing towards to bottom every week when he goes out and plays with his friends. I guess losing that many time would do that to you. I still surprises me even now because growing up, he LOVED the game of golf. He lived, breathe and bled golf. He would tell me when I was younger to stop playing baseball and start to swing golf clubs instead. Every Sunday, he would turn on ABC or NBC to tune into the final round of whatever tournament the PGA was playing. So to hear that was a bit of a shock.
Secondly, the reason why my dad is quitting and smoking is because one of his friends, is hospitalized and is getting fed via enteral nutrition. My dad most likely realized that he doesn't want to be in that state ever, after already having 2 strokes in his lifetime...
I really never talk about my dad with anyone, but I just felt like writing this today because I hope this change brings some good to him. My dad and I weren't that close, but I do miss him and wish I could go to him to ask for advice, to ask for help when I need it, and have conversation I can't really with my mom.
Tell the ones that you love that you love them and hold onto them dearly. Forgive them for their mistakes, we're all prone to make them. Whatever thing you have wrong in life with a person, small or big, let it go. Life's too short not to love, to be holding grudges and being mad at someone, because you never know when the next time you'll see or talk to them.
Keep going.
Jun
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